Yes, I’m Boring: My Clothes

When you have a good thing, I say stick with it.  That’s why I’ve been wearing the same clothes for ten to fifteen years.  After the menopause weight balloon, I’ve slunk down into the same weight—let’s call it nearing obese—and believe I should only wear clothes that I feel good in.  Like, basically nothing new.

I have tried to buy new clothes.  There are stores meant for women my age or thirty years younger.  I actually did buy a new blouse in Dover, England.  I’ve even gotten compliments on it.  From my college roommate.  Hey, what are friends for?

The pandemic took a toll on my shopping.  I used to be able to go to Steinmart and find something.  They went out of business and are now only online.  Like, who can trust online shopping?  If you don’t like something, it’ll cost you to return it.  But while Steinmart existed, I bought four blouses, same style, different prints.  I will wear them till death, probably mine, although one is looking pretty ratty.  They even have names.  Like, I’ll say, should I wear Big Blue today or perhaps Bertha?  Unfortunately, the blouses never answer back, so I’m always in a quandary.  Still, who notices an old woman?

Shall we give thanks for Land’s End and LL Bean?  For those of us who go nowhere but need petite pants that fit, these two companies are quite trustworthy.  I have noticed that I used to wear a size L with Land’s End but now wear a size M.  It’s not me, they must have just relabeled to make us feel better.

I have tried other sources of shopping, such as Stitch Fix and Short Story.  And I have bought from them.  But, gloriosky, do I always have buyer’s remorse.  They look good when I try them on, so I don’t return them. Then, when I get ready to wear them, they look horrible.  Was it just that I didn’t want to pay the styling fee?  Is that why I kept them?

But what do I need clothes for?  Pants, shirt, Hoka sneakers, this woman is ready for the day.  I haven’t even bought a new bra for over ten years.  So it’s sag city.  Who cares?

However, there is an occasion where I’m supposed to look my best.  I’ve taken to cruising with my daughter.  No, not for men.  As if!  Real cruising on the ocean seas.  We don’t go on the massive ocean liners, where I suppose one can look and act like a slob and no one cares. The ships we choose have a minimal amount of people.  One is expected to look presentable and well put together.

Now I understand that most people, when about to travel, will assess their wardrobe and think that maybe they need a new addition to make them sparkle.  I know this is my daughter’s philosophy.  Not me.  I have those trusty four blouses from Steinmart that I trot out over and over.  My bathing suit?  It has to be at least twenty-five years old.  Fortunately, the elastic still holds up.  I would hate to have to get a new suit for the minimal amount of time I spend in the water.

(A short note here about my bathing suit and water.  While I loved going  snorkeling for many years, I have decided with age that I’ve reached my limit.  I’ve seen all the coral reefs and tropical fish I want to see.  As far as the beach, I used to love to go into the water shoulder high and just let the waves wash over me.  {Yes, I went to Girl Scout camp so of course I know how to swim.}  But I find now that I can go into the water but I can’t get out.  I sink into the sand and can’t keep my balance.  When four strong young men had to pull me out of the ocean, I knew it was time to give up the beach.)

Back to cruising.  The dress code on the ships we travel at one point were more severe, like no jeans after six o’clock.  Then, of course, there’s the formal night, which I generally try to skip. However, I have a concealing cloak that will cover one of my Steinmart blouses and a gaudy brooch that can make me look “formal” if necessary.  Anyway, the standards have fallen by the wayside even on this cruise line, with more people wanting to be causal all the time.  Still, I’m old enough to know better.

As far as shoes, I’m no longer a petite size 6 but a roomy size 8.  When I go out I have to wear shoes that stabilize, but in the house I wear Alegria clogs.  They’re just so damn comfortable.

This must sound like I have no clothes in my closets at all.  So not true.  I have too many clothes in my closets, just most of them are unwearable.  I sort and resort and am always giving away.  But some clothes I have to keep for sentimental reasons.  But, if so, where is my wedding dress?  Oh well.