Spicing Up My Boring Life

My daughter informs me that I need spice in my life because I’m old and losing my sense of taste.  I’m so glad I have her in my life to tell me what’s wrong with me and what I should do about it.  Some people might think I’m an adult.  That “some people” doesn’t include my daughter.

Aside from that, I’m continuing on my quest to bore people with my boring life by telling you what sauces I have in my refrigerator to make foods more enjoyable.

First, let me applaud Sir Kensington.  Like most intelligent people, I have a sandwich for lunch every day.  Well, almost every day.  Thus, I couldn’t do without Sir Kensington’s chipotle mayonnaise.  Not the organic.  That’s nice but too creamy.

Now I know a lot of companies are jumping on the spicy mayonnaise bandwagon, but their products are worthless. Spice to them means bland as usual.  Stick with Sir Kensington.  Is it four times more expensive than the other products?  Yes.  Is it worth it?  Yes.  You can make up for it with ramen for dinner.

BBQ sauce.  I love you, Mr. Stubbs.  I wonder what you’d look like without your cowboy hat on.  But you have a marketing gimmick. Stick with it.  Oops, just checked the web and found out he died in 1995.  I take my hat off to him, nonetheless.  His company was bought out by McCormick.  Oh well.  At least his descendants are probably sitting pretty, next to the grill, I hope.

But back to his bbq sauces.  I have tried several and liked them all.

Now, you might picture me at the grill, dousing ribs or chicken.  Forget it.  I had the grill removed ages ago.  I had no idea how to get rid of the grease and then, I was living alone so really, did I need it?

No, I use Mr. Stubbs when I make chicken nuggets—great with bourbon by the way.  When the nuggets are sizzled to perfection in my air fryer, which my daughter didn’t want me to buy, I dump them on a plate with a combo of ketchup and Mr. Stubbs bbq sauce.  Dare I say—yum?

A word about air fryers.  I’m not impressed.  Perhaps this is because I didn’t invest in a Breville, which was rated highest.  Why?  It was too expensive, and I was saving my money for Mr. Kensington’s chipotle mayonnaise.

With air fryers—mine is a Costco special—I find it best to ignore the package instructions and just use the air fryer setting at the same temp and time as you would the bake instructions.  If a flame arises, you can always pull the plug.  But I hate soggy food.  Crispness is all.

As far as pizza in an air fryer, whom are they kidding?  Total failure.

Back to the spices of life.  Mustard.  Mustard has always been important in my life because how else would I eat a hotdog?  Well, folks, I’ve given up hotdogs, but I still use mustard, even though now it tends to roil my gut, so to speak.

Last Christmas my brother, knowing I love mustard, as does he, sent me two jars of Sanniti dijon mustard.  It’s his favorite, so I was expecting something invigorating.  Sad to say, totally bland.  No taste to it whatsoever. This is why, when I go to France—does this sound pretentious?—I stop at Carrefour or Monoprix and pick up a few jars of Amora.  Now that’s a mustard!  And so cheap, you wouldn’t believe it.

Unfortunately, France looms in the distance right now, so I’d advise a purchase of Mr. Mustard to get one’s kicks.  Or Coleman’s, if you want to clear your sinuses.

Ketchup?  Only Heinz.  Is there anything better than having a hamburger with onion and pickle with the ketchup oozing out on all sides so that you use up your stack of napkins?  I’ll answer my own question.  No.

I have a bottle of sriracha sauce in my refrigerator than I no longer use.  I used to love it before I discovered red hot sweet chili sauce.  Now I wonder how I could have lived without that chili sauce.  What goes better on rice or to use with samosas—frozen of course.  It puts a zing into my existence.

Can salsa be considered a sauce?  Most probably not, but what a satisfying dinner it makes to mix salsa with guacamole and then dip it up with pita, while I’m having my nightly bourbon.  I know, you’re saying does the idiot not know there are such things as chips?  Two things about chips:  They have too much salt and they go stale.  Pita can be frozen, and believe me this makes a delightful and healthy meal, as long as you put a lot of ice cubes in with the bourbon.

Sad to say, I have many more sauces languishing in my refrigerator that I no longer use but think, well, maybe some day I will.  Cocktail sauce, but no shrimp.  Worcestershire sauce that’s wondering why I abandoned it.  Horseradish that I used once and decided maybe not, even though I used to love it.  I can only apologize for the waste of money but most of all for the lack of love. I’m sorry, sauces. The fault is mine.

As my taste buds continue to grow older, along with the body they inhabit, I’m sure that I’ll be exploring more in the spice aisles. New products arise every day.  They await my charge card.