The Dreaded Visit

“You’re being ridiculous,” Eden said with a pout.  Steve wanted to take the train into New York and then hire a car to take them to Scarsdale.  The man was mad.

“I have an aversion to the New Jersey Turnpike,” Steve replied.  “The train gets us right into the city.”

“And then what?” Eden demanded.  Why was he causing so much trouble, when he knew how anxious she was about facing her mother in the first place?  Her unrelenting mother, who was very abrupt when Eden called.  Riley seemed to be the one their mother unloaded on, probably assuming that Riley would pass along the myriad complaints to Eden. Which she did.

At this point, Eden felt there was no reason to even go up to Scarsdale if that’s the way her mother was behaving.  Let her first meeting with Steve be at the wedding.

“It’s not going to be that bad,” Steve told her when they finally decided on a date for the Scarsdale visit.  “I can be charming.  In many languages.”

“Including upset-Scarsdale-mother-of-the-bride?”

“Don’t you think she’ll want to be on her best behavior?  Meeting your future husband for the first time?”

Dream on, Eden thought to herself.  Besides, was Steve really as charming as he thought?  He’d taken her roommates out to brunch at Founding Farmers, paying for them, of course.  But when the women returned to their hovel, Sally said to her, “I just don’t see it.  What’s the attraction?”  Smacked in the face with the negativity, Eden thought.  And so wrong!

Okay, so Steve wasn’t Mr. Personality, mostly likely his high school class’s biggest nerd, but she knew him to be warm, with a sly sense of humor. And he was generous.  And accommodating.  Not many men are accommodating.  Maybe he took after his father Marty, who also seemed a warm human being, as opposed to his dear mother Sandy, who had actually called Eden to offer best wishes and added, “I hope you’ll be able to fit into the family.”  Eden felt like telling Sandy her main concern was fitting into a wedding dress but that would probably sound too flippant.  So she replied, perhaps putting too much sugar into it, “Family means everything to me.” Like hell!

“If we can’t drive, we can fly,” Eden suggested, she thought reasonably.

“Eden, when we visited my parents, do you remember how much crap you had to take?”

“Crap?  My makeup and my moisturizers?”

“Besides, Kennedy’s a mess, La Guardia’s a mess.  Newark?  Let’s not even go there.  Really.”

This was frustrating.  Steve traveled all over the world to so many airports, but New York City was out?  So, okay, he always flew business and he was picked up when he arrived wherever, but still.  Was Scarsdale such a problem—or was it meeting her mother?  Hmm.

Then, with a brilliance for which she was known, if only by herself, Eden hit on a solution.  “We can fly into Hartford, have my brother Frank pick us up, and he can drive us to Scarsdale.  I’ll only take a carryon. I promise.”

At that Steve threw up his hands.  So nice to come to an agreement.  Finally.

Frank was waiting for them when they exited the airport.  After greeting them and being introduced, he threw their luggage into the trunk of his BMW.  Sitting in front with her brother while Steve sat behind her, Eden could sense something was amiss.  And since she usually wasn’t that sensitive—to others—she knew that it must be something big.  But perhaps not something to delve into now in case Steve had Frank turn the car around so he could fly back to DC without the pleasure of meeting another member of her family, i.e., her mother.

“I brought my legal pad along in case you wanted to hire me for the prenup,” Frank said, looking back at Steve.  Trying to lighten the mood?

“Prenup!” Eden exclaimed.

Steve laughed.  “No prenup will be necessary.  I’ll consider it a pleasure to take care of your sister.”

“Sister can take care of herself,” Eden shot back.  Although it would be good to get out of the apartment with the roommates and the gerbil.  On the other hand, would Steve allow her to redecorate the sterility in which he lived?

The rest of the drive was taken up by Frank and Steve doing bro talk about what they did, where they went to school, what teams they supported.  In other words, boring.

They pulled into Scarsdale, and Eden felt a surge of nostalgia.  Sadly, instead of heading for the house they grew up in, Frank drove through the denser part of the town and found an open space in the condo parking lot.  “I keep forgetting she’s living here now,” Eden said wanly.

“It’s not like you visit,” Frank admonished

“I call,” she retorted.  Then under her breath, “What’s gotten into you?”

Both Eden and Steve moved around the car to pick up their luggage, but Frank stayed them.  “Mom thought it’d be better if you came back with me and spent overnight at my place—since it’s closer to the airport.”

Placing her hands on her hips, Eden was about to spout off, but then decided, was it worth it?  Why had they bothered to drag themselves up here if they were going to be subjected to a very cold shoulder?  No wonder people eloped.  She felt like getting right back into the car and taking the next flight out.  Steve put his arm around her and said, “It’s okay.”  But she just shook her head.  If Frank noticed, he wasn’t about to comment.

Bernice buzzed them up and was waiting for them at the door when they arrived.  Wearing pants and a flowing top with her hair newly streaked and her makeup applied as if for battle, she gave Eden a short hug and then greeted Steve with a handshake.  The condo looked inviting and the dining table had been set for four.  So they wouldn’t even be going out for lunch?  At least no fighting over who would pay the check.

Turning her back on the three of them, Bernice led them to the dining nook.  “I’ve made your favorite, Eden.  Mac and cheese with tuna and peas.”

“Like when I was in grade school, Mom,” Eden called after her mother.

Steve whispered, “I wonder what wine goes with that?”

“Something blood red,” Eden replied also sotto voce.

The meal was—weird.  Bernice made no mention of the wedding whatsoever.  She did ask Steve a lot of questions about his family, what he did for work, what his interests were.  And Steve, “I used to have mac and cheese all the time, and I have to say this is the best ever.”

“It’s Kraft,” Bernice replied.

“Ah.  That’s the secret.”  He nodded knowingly.  Eden could barely keep from bursting out laughing.

When dessert finally came, brownies a la mode, Eden finally brought up the elephant in the room.  “Mom, did you want to talk about the wedding?”

Bernice gave her daughter a rather cool look.  Then she shrugged.  “What’s to talk about?  Something I’ve looked forward to all my life.  Shopping with my daughter for her bridal gown.  Arranging the seating at the reception.”

“Well, you can still shop with me for my gown,” Eden said.

“Shop where, exactly?”

“Okay, geographically, it’s a problem, but we can FaceTime.  Can’t we?”

Bernice just rolled her eyes.  “I’ve put your wedding on my calendar.  I’ll be there.  After all, no matter any hurt feelings, you’re still my daughter.  And you, Steve, are your parents involved?  Will all their friends have to come to DC for the wedding?  I don’t know how many of my friends can make it.  If they’re invited.

Steve considered his answer carefully.  “I think the wedding will be mainly DC-centric.”

“And what does that mean?”  Bernice’s eyebrows rose as she waited for an answer.

“Aside from family, I believe most of those invited will be our DC friends and colleagues.”

“I see. You don’t have a sister, do you?”

“Two brothers.”

“Ah.  Then your mother wouldn’t understand my—  Pain I suppose is too strong a word.”

“Distress,” Frank put in.  “And yet you survived my first wedding.  There’s still Riley to go.  Weddings are happy occasions.  I think we should try to keep it that way.”

“Serpent’s tooth,” Bernice muttered under her breath.

And what more was there to say.  Desultory remarks followed, signifying nothing but discomfort.

They were in and out of her mother’s condo within two hours.  Eden really let loose when they were all safely in the car and headed back to Connecticut.  “That was horrible.  I never knew Mom would be so absolutely horrible about anything.  Why the hell did we come up here?.  To endure Kraft Mac and Cheese?”

“I actually enjoyed that,” Steve said. “It’s been so long.  Put it on the list of the meals you’ll be making me.”

Eden twisted to face him.  “You know damn well I don’t cook.”

Steve laughed while Frank said, “Probably for the best.”

“What an introduction for Steve.  How humiliating.  Did you know Mom was going to be so awful?”

“Look, I don’t care,” Steve said.  “Remember my mother in the kitchen?”

“Is this a story I should hear?” Frank wondered.

“No,” both said at the same time.

“Look, guys, Mom is hurt and she can’t see the benefit, yet, of just showing up to a wedding and having a great time.  But I believe she’ll get there.  And if not, that’s on her.  It’s your lives.  She’s already put a spanner in mine.”

“How!” Eden exploded with curiosity.

Frank waved her off.  “If you want my opinion, I think you two are doing exactly the right thing.  You’re both adults.  I don’t know about your mother, Steve, but mine is being so childish.  I have a feeling weddings bring out the worst in people.  You could elope.”

“But I want a wedding,” Eden stressed.  “I want to have that fairy tale gown and walk down the aisle.  And, Frank, since Riley is my maid of honor, you’ll be the one walking me down that aisle.”

Smiling, Frank said, “I’d love to, Eden.”

Eden gave him a sisterly punch in the arm.  “I also want bridesmaids and a bouquet to throw.  And of course wedding gifts.”  She twisted in her seat again.  “We don’t have a registry yet.”

“Because we don’t need anything,” Steve replied.

“Don’t be silly,” Eden replied.  “I’ll think of something.”

“I’m sure you will,” Steve said with resignation.

“How big is the wedding going to be?” Frank asked.

“Well, there are my friends and I have to invite people I work with or that would be awkward.  Steve’s family, my family, Steve’s coworkers if they can break cover or get up from a computer for a few hours.  I have never met a single one of them—so far,” she pointed out.

“One has already agreed to shoot film for the wedding.  You’ll never even know he’s there.  Another has promised to bug the restrooms to see what people are really saying.  Don’t worry.  They’ll be coming but you might not be aware of them.”

“So the invitations go to “To whom it might concern?’”

“After they’ve been encrypted.”

They had left the highway by now and were in the countryside.  “I’m so excited to see your house,” Eden said, almost squirming in her seat.

The wooded land was so relaxing after the plane ride, the Scarsdale visit and the highways.  Then to pull into the driveway— “It’s beautiful, Frank!” Eden exclaimed.

This time they did get their bags out of the trunk.  Since the garage was detached, Frank brought them the closest way into the house, through the kitchen.  Eden immediately started exploring, while Frank led Steve to the front foyer, where they left the bags for the time being.

After rampaging through the house, Eden came back to say, “This is the greatest house ever.”

“Totally renovated,” Frank said.

“Not by you,” Eden noted.  “Whom did you hire?”

“I didn’t have to hire anyone.  Lily Stanton did it for free.”

He watched as Eden’s mouth dropped open.