Someone Needs a Therapist

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie

Kissed the girls and made them cry

When the boys came out to play

Georgie Porgie ran away

Okay, let’s face it.  Georgie has problems.  There’s a duality in his nature that should be examined.  Most members of the male species like to brag about kissing girls, whereupon such girls are labeled as fast or easy.  But Georgie doesn’t stick around for self-aggrandizement when the boys make their appearance. Instead, he runs away.

Is this because all the girls have boyfriends?  Hardly.  They’re too young and the boys are too callow.  Then, knowing all this, let’s put on our thinking caps.  What must we deduce about Georgie Porgie?

You got it in one.  He’s a pervert, an adult preying on young girls in the school yard.  The girls are innocently playing double dutch or hop scotch, while he’s lurking around, maybe waiting for a game of tag or hide and seek, where he can take his pleasures where he may.  But he didn’t reckon with Girl Scout Troop 197 Eagle.  Nor did he understand that there was a new Girl Scout badge for crime busters.  Poor Georgie, his porridge would soon be in a puddle.

Due to strict lectures from their mothers, all the girls knew what was happening. Many times they had reported Georgie to the principal, who had alerted the police; but Georgie was smart enough to make himself scarce if he saw surveillance.  So the time had come for 197 Eagle to take action and earn that badge.

And so it was on a perfect spring day that the girls organized themselves into what some might call a tag team of vigilantes.  There were the double dutchers, the dodge ball players and the hide and seekers to tempt Georgie out of the shadows.

There he came, right on schedule, looking left, right, forward, behind, happy to see no police cars, no teachers, no one watching—except, here was Lucy with the lisp, standing boldly before him.  She said in her sweetest voice, “Hello, Mr. Porgie.  Do you want to play with me?”

Can the big bad wolf look any more sinister than Georgie did at that tempting and oh so innocent invitation?

Lucy skipped around the perimeter of the school yard, coming back once again, giving Georgie the sweetest smile so that he dared to follow her onto the school grounds, salivating as he went, not noticing the double dutch girls moving closer and closer and—

Whapp!

All of a sudden ropes were flailing him right and left, smacking him hard across his body whipping him this way and that until he was totally entangled.  Panicked, he knew he had to escape.  But as he tried to remove the ropes, all of a sudden there was a barrage of balls slamming into his body over and over again, until he was suddenly down on the ground, all trussed up, ready for the police, as the principal rushed out of her office and called them on her cell phone.

Girl Scout Troop 197 Eagle were delighted to have their photos in the paper and even more thrilled to receive their crime busters badge.  Lucy with the lisp spoke for all of them when she said, “I’m proud to be a Girl Scout and I can’t understand how any girl would want to join the Boy Scouts.”

Okay, that was off message, but the point was that just because no boy wanted to be a Boy Scout any more that didn’t mean that girls should prop up the Boy Scouts.  After all, propping up men would come later in their work lives and if they married.

As a side note, Georgie Porgie’s bio included being a Scout leader, but no action was taken, as he only attacked girls.