Since You Didn’t Ask
Does anyone else read the New York Times book review section and wonder about the “authors” in the “By the Book” section? I use “authors” in quotes because a lot of the authors the Times chooses are celebrities and not those slogging away, day after day, to create a cacophony of words for your delight.
Many times I’m puzzled by the answers the authors give. I ponder how much truth-telling is going on and how many of the answers exist to burnish the author’s image. Dare I use the word “pretentious?”
Take, for example, the first question in “By the Book.” “What books are on your nightstand?” Most authors list books so esoteric that no one but Ph.D. candidates, slogging in the stacks, has read them. Are all these books really on their nightstands? I deal with only one book at a time. It’s tossed on my bed, along with my iPad, so that I can play games when the need arises. I do have a nightstand. On it is a clock, a noise-maker to help me sleep, a lamp, various hair clips and a lip balm. I would gladly send a photo of my nightstand to the Times and would like to present a challenge to the authors in question. Send us a photo of your nightstand. To see is to believe. Unless of course the nightstand is metaphorical and really represents the brilliance and the breadth of your existence.
Another question: “Has a book ever brought you closer to another person or come between you?” Well, when I pick up a book and discover the person who read it before me smoked, it has definitely brought me closer to him/her and come between us, as I put the book down immediately. I’m willing to pollute my mind, but not my body.
The greatest book I’ve read recently? I’ve read many great books. As soon as I read them, they slip right out of my mind. Has anyone else had this problem?
“Are there any classic novels that you only recently read for the first time?” Good god. Do I have to read more classic novels? Wasn’t getting a degree in English enough?
“What’s your favorite book no one else has heard of?” Too many books lay undiscovered and unloved—for the moment. A short list of my favorites. “Tom Brown’s School Days.” A must for the persecuted, bullied elementary school student. “The Ginger Man,” by J. P. Donleavy. If this book doesn’t make you laugh out loud, nothing will. “Pale Fire,” by Nabokov, another laugh out loud book, must have been written especially for the English department at any university. A+, Mr. Nabokov!
“Which genres do you especially enjoy reading. And which do you avoid?” Give me a good mystery any day and I’ll be happy. Agatha Christie truly is the queen. Spy novels: so totally over them. Why read a novel about international intrigue when you can just pick up the newspapers. A good dose of historical fiction always pleases the soul. What I can’t stand, well, let me just say it, Russian literature. I mean, is anybody happy? In the States parents rejoice in their baby’s first smile, even if it’s only gas. In Russia: “Come quickly, Misha. Our baby’s first look of despair!”
“What character in literature would you most like to play?” Oh, boy. Is Becky Sharp too outre?
“What books might people be surprised to find on your shelves?” First, they’d have to find my shelves. I had the whole house renovated, and all the shelves are missing. My books are in the basement, wondering where the hell I am.
“What do you plan to read next?” I have a book bag full of books. Note Bene: Not on my nightstand. I have two books waiting for me at the library. What will I read next? I have absolutely no idea.
“Who is your favorite hero or heroine?” Sorry, but I have to admit it. Elizabeth Bennet. Who wouldn’t want to be her? May there be a Mr. Darcy in everyone’s life.
And finally—- “You’re throwing a dinner party. What three writers, living or dead, do you invite?” First, the dinner party would have to be either catered or pot luck, as this woman does not cook any longer. That’s what they have delis for. Yes, I’d invite William Shakespeare. And I think Ben Jonson, as bringing them together again would be fascinating. Let’s add to that mixture Fanny Burney. If she was good enough for Samuel Johnson, she’s good enough for me.